1066: Changing The English Channel

By Sir Guillaume de la Belgique
Copyright Scott Farrell, 2001

There is a wonderful old saying that goes, "Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it." This, of course, implies that the people who came before us were doing more than just stumbling along blindly through their lives with no idea where they would wind up, or what the impact of their actions would be - and if the SCA teaches us anything, it's that history is more often made by dumb luck than by genius or vision.

Because of this, we can see the immense value of insightful, well-researched essays and documents which put the events of the Middle Ages into perspective. For example, a scholarly study of the Norman Conquest of England and the famous Battle of Hastings would provide insight into an event of immeasurable political, cultural and military impact. I was hoping to include one in this book, but frankly, it sounds like a lot of work, so instead, I'll just make some stuff up as I go along.

Sacking The Saxons

At the beginning of 1066 A.D., the King of England, Edward "Fast Eddie" the Confessor, lay dying. Edward was best known for his famous quote, "Although these are hard times, I must confess, I am raising your taxes again."

England's system of Royal Succession was based on Danish/Saxon tradition which mandated that the wise men and leaders of England all come together for a "Whitnegamot" (An old Anglo-Saxon term meaning "square dance") in order to elect the new King based on the ability to govern with foresight and justice - or, if this proved too difficult, they also had the option of electing a new King based on who gave them the most gold.

After the death of Edward, the men of the Whitnegamot decided, after days of debate and more than a few casks of ale, that it was time to elevate a young, energetic fellow by the name of Harold "The Sap" Godwinson, to the throne. "It's quite an honor to be your new King," Harold said in a speech at his coronation. "Your faith in my leadership and judgment fills me with pride. And now, it's time to raise your taxes."

The choice of Harold as King of all England did not sit well with the nobility of other nations, most of whom were trying to come up with some feeble excuse why they should be King of all England. The top competitor for this title was William "Billabong" of Normandy, whose major campaign theme in the race for the crown was, "Grandma slept with the King." William decided to visit England to demonstrate that the enlightened, progressive system of royal selection employed by the Saxons was slightly inferior to that of the Normans, in which governmental representation and political foresight were replaced with swords, torches, spears, crossbows and catapults.

Although most of the people of England felt that two oppressors ... sorry, we meant, "candidates," were enough, a third "independent" participant decided to throw his helmet in the ring. His name was Harald "I'm not the other guy named Harold" Hardrede, King of Norway. To Harald, England was the key to reaching his ultimate dream: to sit on the throne of a "Northern Byzantine Empire," which was a fairly silly idea since there were relatively few Byzantines to be found in the area. He had noticed, you see, that the Byzantine Emperor received his taxes mainly in the form of gold, gems, silk, spices, and incense, wherea s Harald, as King of Norway, received his taxes mainly in the form of sheep, sheep skins, wool, mutton and fleas. This was the situation he hoped to rectify (or at least escape) by invading England.

William And The Wind Bags

Meanwhile, William gathered his knights on the northern coast of Normandy. His challenge was to cross the English Channel in ships devoid of technologically advanced propulsion systems, such as "oars." In fact, the Norman ships were driven by a system known to historians as, "a big bedsheet tied to the top."

Hampered by this lack of a discretionary sailing system, William's army partied ... sorry, we meant, "exercised," waiting for the navigators' signal that the wind had shifted toward England and that it was time to have the Norman Invasion. From the navigators' point of view, this was quite a set-up; as long as the wind wasn't blowing toward England, they got to sit on the beach, eat William's food, drink William's ale, and carouse with William's camp followers. As soon as the wind shifted toward England, they got to sail overseas, get shot at, build castles, fight Saxons, and probably die.

"Italy," the navigators would say to William in the morning. "Wind's headin' right toward Italy today." Then the next morning it would be, "Poland today, Will. If we sail with this wind we'll end up in Poland. Or maybe Egypt."

Finally, when William's food supply was nearly exhausted and many of his barons and knights were beginning to wander off aimlessly, he asked the navigators, "Which way would the wind blow if I were to burn down your homes, kill your children, and boil you in oil?" "Whoa, look at that!" the navigators said collectively. "There goes that pesky old wind heading right toward England." ...

Read more in "We Are Not Amused, Sir Guillaume!"